FMA Fairytales
by Phantom Ou
Summary: The spin-off series of Crazy! This is a collection of parodies directed at Disney classics, starring the FMA cast: the Homunculi, the Elrics and the others. A happily ever after ending is much harder to achieve than ever before. Warning: Crack fic, OOC, strong language and a jumble of other fun stuff.


**Hullo, all! Welcome to the collection of parodies directed at Disney classics! This is a spin-off series of my other story: ****_Crazy_****. I recommend you try reading that as well.**

**I must warn you that there will be intermissions during the story because these peevish characters (aka the FMA cast) just love to complain. It will be highlighted in bold. If you don't give a crap about the characters' misery, such as I, then skip if you want.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA.**

* * *

**PARODY OF CINDERELLA**

**STARRING: EDWARD ELRIC/HOMUNCULI/KIMBLEE**

* * *

Once upon a time, there was once a beautiful and lovely dude. He is so nice to everyone that people take advantage of him, especially his evil stepfather and uglyass stepbrothers. He is kinda wacko because he thinks he can sing with birds and mice. He also likes to drone on and on about dreams for some reason. Since earlier years, people had recommended prescription medications for him, but he refused them. So this is where our story starts, our story of . . .

"Ederella!" Wrath, the evil stepfather, shouted angrily and stormed into Ederella's cellar.

Ederella dropped his broom at the sound of his voice, and met Wrath's furious eyes with timorous ones. "O-oh, o-oh, o-o-o-oh, o-oh—"

"What the hell are you saying? You trying to rap?" Wrath asked, grimacing.

Unfortunately, poor Ederella has terrible shyness when talking with others. This causes him to stutter so much that people have a difficult time understanding what the hell he is trying to say.

"Where have you been, Ederella!" Wrath demanded in a harsh, uncompromising tone. "I needed someone to change the friggin' TV channel for me; the remote control is too goddamn far! And now I have to walk all the whole way up the stairs so I can teach you a lesson for abandoning your job!"

"B-b-but, sir," Ed (for short) stammered. "Y-y-you told me yourself to sweep the floors up here."

Wrath stared at him mutely for a second and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I did? Well, anyway, even if I did—"

"N-n-not 'if,' sir," Ed corrected. "You did actually do it."

Wrath stepped up to him and glared at him dauntingly in the eyes, his left eyebrow twitching with annoyance. "You sassin' me, boy?"

"N-n-n-no—"

"Oh, shut up with the Nnnnnn's! You don't nnnnn me! No one eva, and lemme repeat, _eva_ nnnnn me, got it? You just have to say one word, one syllable, for Christ's sake."

"S-s-sorry—"

"And there you go with the Ssssss'! Why you gotta sssss? Why can't you just S once and be done?"

"I-I-I-I—"

"Thing One, Thing Two, get the hell up here!" Wrath bellowed. Greed and Ling then emerged at the call of their father's voice.

Greed and Ling are the wicked stepbrothers. Believe it or not but Greed and Ling (aka Greedling) were born as one child—but with two heads. It seriously creeped the chiz outta their parents, particularly the mom who had to breastfeed them, and so they called a surgeon to butcher Greed and Ling into two.

"What?" Greed inquired curtly. "I was training to try out for the football team." He flexed to show some nonexistent muscles.

"Yes, Dad," Ling chirped. "You call for me? I come here. I come here now."

Regrettably, Wrath had attempted to ship one of them out of here when they were younger. Ling ended up in China for a long time before the Chinese found him irritating, ran some DNA tests, used some top-secret government tracking devices to locate Wrath, and shipped Ling on a speed jet right back. You can see how serious they were in getting rid of Ling. Now that Ling has returned, he does not comprehend English fluently and speaks like an ignorant fool with an exasperating foreign accent.

"I'm sick of Ederella!" Wrath cried fretfully. "I am gonna punish him and you two are to help me. Let's make him work until he drops! Ederella, scratch my back!"

"Clip my toenails!" Greed barked.

"Wash clothes!" Ling sang.

"Unclog the toilet!"

"Fix the computer!"

"Eat apple!"

"Iron my underwear!"

"Dust the furniture!"

"Jump up an' down!"

"Y-y-y-yes, sir, err, sirs," Ed mumbled submissively. "I-I-I'll do whatever you say."

* * *

**Ed: Wait, what the hell? I do not act like that—this is so OOC! What kind of fanfiction author are you? This story is not logical at all; computers weren't even invented during that era yet! Neither were DNA tests, tracking devices or jets!**

**Author: Please be quiet.**

* * *

_Later in the evening..._

Wrath abruptly yelped and jumped out of his chair. He shakily pointed at the screen of his computer. "CHANCE! LOOK WHAT'S ON MY EMAIL!"

Greed and Ling hurried to the computer, and once they read what was on the screen, huge grins were plastered across their faces. Ed was curious and attempted to peer over their shoulders to see what was going on, but Wrath whirled around to face him.

"You, go over there." He motioned to the corner of the room. "Shoo-shoo. This email is confidential and not for the likes of _you_." As if to demonstrate, he logged out of his email. He then formed his smug look—the one where he puckers his lips and look around the room while nodding. "I'm so good. I got us invited."

"Look at Daddy's trollface," Greed murmured.

"Mm-hmm," Ling chimed, "Face no good. Face traumatizin' shmall childeren."

"It's pronounced 'children,' fool," Wrath corrected impatiently.

"Childereren," Ling attempted to mimic the accurate pronunciation.

"Children!"

"Childrrrhenhen."

"Chil_dren_! Where the hell did 'henhen' come from? It's _children_!"

"Chi."

"The f*ck?"

"Childlkefandsldkjf I kill you, you kill me."

"What?"

* * *

**Envy: That makes ZERO sense!**

* * *

"W-w-where have you been invited to, sir?" Ed asked, eager to know.

Wrath cockily smoothed out his beloved mustache with his thumb and forefinger. "Normally, I wouldn't tell you, but I will now just to brag. We got invited to the ball! We get to go at nine p.m. tonight."

"B-b-ball, sir?"

"Did I stutter?" Wrath countered with a grimace. "Or did you do it for me?"

"That's lame, pops," Greed stated. "Just sayin'."

"You're gonna be lame and sitting on a wheelchair real soon if you keep _just sayin'_ stuff, fool."

Young Ederella was delighted at the thought of attending a ball. He had once read a tattered book, which Wrath spits his gum into every now and then, that balls were magnificent things that exist between—wait, wait, wrong book. The other kind of balls were elegant, social events hosted to celebrate a special occasion.

"C-c-can I come, sir?" Ed inquired.

Wrath did not hesitate to answer, "Hell no, are you trippin'? They don't want a fool who has _nada _friends and smells funky to go to a fancyass ball. Besides we're going there so Thing Uno and Thing Dos here can get a life and marry the princess—which I heard from our next door villagers that she was smokin' hot."

Due to years of experience, Ed knew that there was no way to argue with the inflexible Wrath. After leaving Ed with a list of chores to finish, Wrath and the Things went off to prepare for the ball.

Ed scowled disdainfully. "Bitch."

* * *

**Ed: What the hell is with this drastic character change?**

**Author: I write what I write. Don't judge.**

* * *

His bones ached with weariness after he completed all of his tasks. Ed sulked by himself in a lonely corner, thinking about how Wrath and the Things must be having the time of their lives while he was stuck at home in solitude.

A mouse scurried by.

"Frieeeend," Ed recognized, and he tried to pat the mouse. "Hey, Pride."

The mouse bit his finger viciously. "Gimme cheese or piss off."

"Oh, you little rascal," Ed chuckled, pulling back his finger only to perceive some teeth marks on it. "I got no cheese. Why don't we just hang out?"

"You think I'm in the mood for hanging?" Pride remarked coldly.

"B-But I—"

"After what you did, you can still call me your friend? How could you? I had believed in you—I put my whole_ trust_ in you, Ederella Elric. And yet you betrayed me."

"I didn't mean to, I swear! I can _change_, Pride!"

Pride snorted and shook his furry head sadly. "Please, let's end this conversation before the both of us get hurt."

"By the way, what did I do wrong again?"

"You didn't gimme cheese, you jackass."

Before he could respond, Pride scuttled away indignantly and disappeared from view under a couch.

"M-my only friend has left me!" Ed cried, feeling especially miserable. His lower lip quivered, and he covered his face in his hands shamefully. "Not only do I smell kinda funky but I got no friends! I'm a loner!"

"Uhh, yo, Ederella..."

"I'm a loser! No one wants to hang out with me! And I understand because I smell a lil' something something strange coming from my pants, but I'm too scared to check!"

"TMI, Ed, TMI."

"I suck so bad!" Ed sobbed.

"Oi, Ederella! I'm talking to you so you better pay attention!"

The harsh voice snagged his focus back from his self-pity, and Ed glanced up to see Envy. "W-who are you?"

"I'm your fairy godfather, dammit!" Envy snapped. "I'm here to grant your friggin' wishes, blahblah."

"M-my name is Ederella, not 'blahblah.'"

"I'm going to shoot you dead if you don't ask for a wish in ten seconds, retard," Envy threatened, waving his magic wand in front of Ed's face intrusively.

Ed blinked. "The wand's made out of plastic."

"No, rainbows. Of course it's plastic, dipshit!" Envy shouted. He urged himself to calm, but found it extremely difficult to _not_ blow a fuse while talking to this stupid person. "Now what are your effin' wishes, bitch?"

"W-why are so many people rude? Why can't anyone be kind to me?" Ed burst into vociferous sobs and cried to alleviate the pain that ached in his poor soul. "Am I ugly?"

Envy pinched up his face in a grimace. "We hold that truth to be self-evident." When Ed did not cease his aggravating weeping, Envy impatiently bonked his head with his plastic wand. "Now, hurry up and make a wish!"

"I wish I had friends..."

"Can we please wish for things a little more possible?" Envy snapped. "I'm a fairy, not God—I can't make miracles! So let's be a bit more realistic, dammit."

"Umm..." Ed fumbled with his shabby trousers for a while as he thought for a wish. His eyes then brightened when he remembered what he wanted.

"Ohhh, can you teach me how to play chess? I don't know how to play chess. It's so damn confusing, I don't get it. Like, where do you move the bishop?"

"Magic's a waste with you. Just hire a tutor."

"Can you at least teach me where to move the pawn? I want to know how to play. The computer always beat me. I hate it. I swore that I will one day defeat it. That I will one day take vengeance and restore my honor."

"So your life's dream is basically to beat a computer." Envy did not bother to suppress a groan, and he whacked Ed's head with his wand once again. "Goddammit, just wish to go to the damn, effin' ball! That was the whole point of me comin' here!"

"O-oh!" Ed jumped up from his corner. "I _do_ wish to go to the ball!" His mind drifted off as he grabbed a hold of the tantalizing thought of meeting the princess—who was said to be _super_ sexy.

"Finally," Envy grumbled. "We can a move on with this gay storyline that has no point at all." He waved his wand in the air flamboyantly. "Bibbity boppity boo—"

Ed snickered, "You sound funny."

Envy violently kicked Ed to the wall and cast his wand toward the nuisance's direction. "Now, bitch, I command you to turn into someone attractive!"

Ed was stunned with an electrical shock. He felt a sudden sensation tingling throughout his body, and it gradually dulled his senses until he suspended in a trance-like state. The feeling was fleeting and paralyzing, but yet Ed felt something powerful and warm flowing out of him.

"I feel different..." Ed murmured, seemingly caught in a stupor. "I feel..."

Envy's eyes nearly popped out of his sockets. "Uhh..."

"I feel great, Envy! Thanks a lot!" Ed cheered, oblivious to the fact that he was—

"You're friggin' BLEEDING, Ed!" Envy shouted, pointing to Ed's blasted right arm and left leg and the ghastly redness that poured out of the gaping holes.

Ed was hopping around in circles. "I feel wonderful! Like I'm... I'm...

"D-dying." He collapsed on the ground.

"Shit!" Envy cursed. "Now how am I gonna get a raise? My spells never friggin' work!"

"No worries," a cool, apathetic voice manifested beside him. The owner of it was a bald man with an atrocious alien face, and he wore a long, black cloak.

"Hey, Voldemort."

"'Sup. Now I'm going to teach you the basics of spell casting. Have you forgotten all your training at E.W. HairyWarts?"

"Sorry, sir."

"Next time, flick your wand in the air, aim at your target —their heads, not the limbs—and just blow off their damn heads, shouting 'Avada Kedavra!' Got it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Text you later."

"Promise?"

"I'll try," Voldemort answered with as much sincerity as he could muster. Envy nodded his head sadly, and the guy vanished in the air.

* * *

**Envy: WHAT THE F*CK! THIS MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL! HOW DID HARRY POTTER GET IN HERE?**

**Author: Um, hello, he didn't. Lord Voldemort did.**

**Envy: DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT IN THE TONE AS IF IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE REASONABLE!**

* * *

Envy hurriedly disassembled a random armor suit he found conveniently laid about, and grabbed its metallic arm and leg as replacements for Ed's lost limbs.

"Hey, invasion of privacy!" the armor suit protested.

Envy blinked.

* * *

**Envy: Al?**

**Al: Yeah?**

**Author: I had to put him in the story ****_somehow_****, right?**

**Envy: ...**

* * *

The problem with dear Envy, the fairy godfather, is that he has an unbecoming tendency to imagine "voices" in his surroundings whenever he is left alone. Thus, he chose to believe that the hollow armor suit talking was just another hallucination, and not some creep.

Envy attached the metallic arm and leg on Ed, hoping that they would stay on if he just jammed them tightly in place. _Now I have to finish my mission . . ._

"Oooooh, you killed Ederella!" a voice blatantly accused, and startled, Envy glanced around to locate its owner. "Down here, ya fool."

He gazed down to see a furry, little mouse. "And you are?"

"Pride."

Envy smirked. "Well, I do need a ride to the ball to haul Ed's ass along. You're a mouse, right?"

The so-called Pride scrunched up its nose. "Maaaaybe. Gimme cheese and I'll tell you."

Envy rolled his eyes. "What else can you be? A lion? Now stand still so that you can be turned to a horse..." He melodramatically raised his wand.

The mouse's eyes widened in evident horror, and he scurried to escape. "Noooo! I have witnessed what you have done to Ederella! You can't do the same to me, too— Aaaaaaah!"

"I didn't even do anything yet."

"I-I know... I just saw my own shadow..." Pride whimpered. "Shadows... They scare me... They're everywhere..." His eyes bulged and he trembled. His voice grew ominous, "They're _here_."

"Shut up." Envy cast his spell.

* * *

**PART 2**

* * *

_At the ball..._

**Wrath's POV**

I peered around the vast ballroom that was thoroughly packed with dozens of people. "All right, come on." Thing One and Thing Two followed suit, as I confidently marched into the ballroom.

"OK, now look for the beautiful princess the neighbors were talking about, and turn on your charm," I instructed, squinting my eyes at the bewildering mass of people in an attempt to find the renowned princess.

"ALL HAIL KING KIMBLEE!"

* * *

**Kimblee: Oh, my. How many times did I already say that this story is simply amazing?**

**Author: You haven't said it even once yet.**

* * *

We whirled around to the noble who ostentatiously descended from his throne while waving at the crowd and flashing a broad grin.

"ALL HAIL KING KIMBLEE! YAY! WHOO-WHOO! YAY. WHOO. HOO. WHOO. YEAH. COOL."

"Now!" Kimblee's booming voice resounded in the ballroom. "I like to extend my thanks to all you bitches for making time to come to my ball."

"YEAH! COOL! FANTASTIC! WE KINDA HAD NO CHOICE, BUT COOL! YEAH! WHOO. WHAT FUN."

"Mm," the king approved of the enthusiasm. "Now... For the time you all had no choice but to wait for... Please put your hands together for my daughter!"

The crowd broke into an applause, and I strained my neck, trying to peer over the damn people with long, lanky legs to see the princess.

Slowly, a figure loomed into view.

"This is it!" I exclaimed in excitement. I could finally see my soon-to-be daughter-in-law!

* * *

**Greed's POV**

"This is it!" I said, bracing myself for the potential future wife's appearance. I must court her no matter what!

* * *

**Envy's POV**

"This is it," I breathed, as we approached the grand ball that was a mere several hundred thousand feet away.

* * *

**Ed's POV**

"This is it..." I stepped toward the light.

* * *

**Pride's POV**

"This... is... it..." I panted as the ballroom at last materialized into view. I strained myself, arduously climbing on the front steps. Lugging those two fatasses was such a burden. _Almost there._

* * *

**Ling's POV**

"Dis it."

* * *

**Wrath's POV**

The figure drew closer._ Daughter-in-law!_

Then out came . . .

**Gluttony**.

Everyone gasped. I felt as if I was slapped across the face.

"Hello," Gluttony droned with his fat face, and his fat belly jiggled when he moved too much—such as when he turns his head. I'm Princess Gluttonia. 'Tis niceth to meeth thee allz."

"Just 'cuz you add the 'th' doesn't make you Shakespeare!" I shouted. "What the hell is with this outcome? Why're you so ugly? Why did my neighbors say she's hot? Shit, they must be goddamn blind if they think _that_ thing is sexy!"

"F-Father," Greed whispered, trying to swallow down the impending vomit. "Do we _have_ to marry . . . _her_?"

"I want beautiful childrenren," Ling said. "No ugly. Just beautiful."

"If you're gonna be the father of them children, it's already too late for them to be beautiful," I remarked and then slapped both of them in the back of their heads. "You're gonna marry her no matter what! Obviously _now _. . . we have no competition so get yer asses movin' and reel in some money!"

"Anyone wants a first dance with Princess Gluttonia?" King Kimblee asked, and when no one volunteered, he looked worried. "Aw, come on, people, you're not the only ones disgusted. I had to raise her for sixteen years or so."

"Apparently, you weren't so great at it," I muttered.

"Look at her in the face, people!"

"We're looking and now we're scarred."

"Come on, someone, please, just get with her and travel far away!"

"I only plan to do the traveling part."

"Who keeps making snide remarks in the background?" the king bellowed, and I hastily pretended to check up on my sons.

"Look, Thing Uno, Thing Dos. Just get movin'. It won't be so bad—"

"Dad!" Greed protested. "I don't want to sleep with her!"

"No, don't; she'll suffocate you," I warned. "Instead just—"

The king motioned for the guards, when no one made a move to get closer to Gluttonia. "OK, all right, everyone get into a single file line. If you wanna do it the hard way, we'll do it the hard way. We're all going to take turns dancing with the princess, eh?"

The guards approached us treacherously, and my sons were quickly swept into a line. I stood on the side with the other parents. Soon, the line shortened until it got to Greed.

Greed looked as if he was about to cry while uniting with Gluttonia. Gluttonia, on the other hand, was giggling about something, and every now and then, she would stuff a sausage finger up her nose and dig. Greed really seemed to be on the brink of tears now.

Thing Uno gazed over his shoulder at me, his expression begging for help. "She's like three knuckles deep!"

I grimaced. "She's gonna lose one soon if she keeps diggin' into that tunnel like that. Ugh."

"That's my girl over there," Kimblee commented, having appeared by my side. There was not a single note of pride in his voice when he declared it so.

"Mm, wouldn't have missed her. What is she, uh... why is she... _exploring_ that area of her nose so vigorously?"

Gluttonia retrieved a green booger and popped it in her mouth.

"Well, the girl's gotta eat, right?" Kimblee half-joked, but he did not seem to retain the calm composure as before. In fact, he looked like he wanted to barf, but didn't 'cuz he was used to this sight. The king tried to make light of the conversation, "So, that's your son?"

"Yeah, and that Chinese guy over there is also my son," I pointed out. "I have another kid at home, but I don't like to talk about it."

"Oh, is it a boy or girl?"

"I was wondering the same thing 'bout Gluttonia," I muttered under my breath.

"What?"

"Nothing." _If this is your daughter, I'd hate to see what your wife looks like. _"So don't you think my son and your daughter make a good couple? Perhaps we can get them to marry, we become buddies, you give me some money, yadda yadda—"

The double doors burst open, attracting our attention. A horse passed out on the front steps while a figure stepped down from it. The figure then grabbed a mysteriously slouched figure and tossed that into the ballroom.

"I'd better get a raise for this, dammit!" the figure shouted.

* * *

**Ed's POV**

I woke up when I crashed real hard onto the ground. "W-where am I?" I wondered, dazed.

"Ederella?" I heard Wrath, Greed and Ling exclaim in surprise.

I sat up immediately and looked around to see that I was in a room filled with a throng of people who were all gawking at me.

"OOOOH!"

A fat person caught sight of me, and his eyes gleamed with joy. He began rushing toward me, each one of his steps sounding like thunder, and causing the ground to shake.

"Wait, Gluttonia!" the king yelled.

Gluttonia ignored him and scooped me off the ground. "You..."

"G-Gluttonia?" I murmured.

"You..."

"Me... I'm Ederella," I informed, and we both stared at each other in the eyes. He gazed at me with such intensity that I had a difficult time looking away.

"Could this be true love?" the king gasped melodramatically.

"Ederella..." he spoke.

"Y-yes?"

He continued to stare longingly at me with hungry eyes—

Wait, _hungry_ eyes?

"YOU LOOK LIKE SHRIMP!" Gluttonia bellowed, and his whole mouth latched onto my arm greedily.

"AAAAHHHHH!" Screams and chaos erupted throughout the ballroom.

"Cannibalism!" Wrath shrieked. "Thing Uno, Thing Dos, vamonos! We're getting the hell outta here! That _thing_ is a friggin' beast!"

"Oh, shit, oh, shit, I think I pissed in my pants!" Greed shouted out loud.

Ling hollered, "CALL NIGH-WON-WON! NIGH-WON-WON!"

Gluttonia proceeded to try to ravenously bash his teeth against my metallic arm. "Shrimp! Shrimp! Shrimp!"

_Shrimp . . . Shrimp . . . Shrimp . . ._

* * *

**FLASHBACK – 8 years ago**

"Look!" A kid held up a picture for Ederella to see. "I drew a shrimp!"

"...Ew."

**FLASHBACK ENDS**

* * *

**Envy: That was the ****_gayest_****, most ****_useless_**** flashback in the history of flashbacks!**

**Author: Not everyone is perfect!**

**Envy: AT LEAST TRY!**

* * *

"Shrimp, shrimp, shrimp!" Gluttonia chanted.

"Sh . . . shrimp?" Ed repeated incredulously.

"Shrimp, shrimp, shrimp!"

"Calling me . . . _short_, eh?"

"Shrimp!"

"EAT THIS, BITCH!" Ed brought his foot up and kicked him square in the chest. Gluttonia sailed across the air and collided against the table of food.

However, Gluttonia recovered shortly and bounced after Ed. "Shrimp! Shrimp!"

Ed screamed like a lunatic and began lifting and tossing people at Gluttonia. "DIE, DIE, DIE!" The people cried out in alarm while they, one by one, thudded into Gluttonia's huge tummy. Ed then reached for Wrath.

Wrath chuckled nervously, "Look, Ederella, remember me? Your stepdaddy! Come on, man, let's talk this out—"

Ed raised Wrath above his head.

"Aaaah! I hate heights, man! Who the hell are you—Bruce Lee? Lemme go!"

Ed threw him directly at Gluttonia. Wrath crashed into his big belly and plummeted to the ground, overwhelmed. "That rubber belly... is fatal..."

"Dad!" Greed bellowed and was about to run to him, but Ed snarled. Greed was swift to change his mind. "I'll miss ya heaps, pops! See ya!" He was about to get the hell out of there, but Ed snatched him by his ankles and whirled him around in circles, gaining momentum.

"AAAAAH!" Greed screeched piercingly. "LING, CALL FOR HELP!"

"Right!" Ling said and talked into the phone. "Yes, is dis nigh-won-won? Yes, I call. I call emuhgency. There figh' here. Big fight. Fat boy figh' short boy. Short boy wild. The crazy, you know. He goin', like, everywhere. He so short, he make my momma—"

"SHORT?" Ed echoed and flung Greed behind him, seizing hold of Ling now.

"Ah, oops. I make short boy mad. Hep me peez. Emuhgency—"

He pitched him to the other side of the room, and Ling crashed against a glass window and flew out. Ed was not finished after that and flipped tables, chairs, and more people.

"YOU!" Ed pointed to Pride, the horse, who was limp on the ground. "YOU WANT CHEESE?" He held up a wad of cheese from a dining table.

"Y-yes," Pride neighed softly.

"NACHO CHEESE!" Ed stuffed the cheese in his mouth greedily, and Pride whinnied with grief. After that, Ed stomped around the room angrily. "Who's next? You?"

He pointed at Kimblee, and the latter hastily shook his head.

"How about you?" he asked Envy.

"I can zap you," Envy threatened. "Midget."

Ed snatched the plastic wand out of his hands and snapped it in half.

"Hmm . . . never thought that would happen."

Ed socked him across the face. "No one can beat me! Ever! Nothing can stop me! There is not a _single_ thing in this place nor in the whole wide world that can ever make me stop—"

The clock gonged. It was **midnight**.

"Shit!" Ed cursed. "My curfew!" He dashed out of the ballroom. While he was running down the steps, the loosely attached metallic leg fell off. "Shit, mother(bleep)!" He crawled the way home.

After his departure, the tossed people groaned on the ground, emitting scurrilous strings of curses and insults to the damned Ederella.

Gluttonia came out and retrieved the fallen leg from the steps. He peered into the night sky and watched the stars as they twinkled. "I never even gotten his name..."

"It was Ederella, dumbass, he even told you," Wrath reminded, having gone outside as well.

"Whatcha got there?" Kimblee asked Gluttonia, joining them.

Gluttonia showed Ed's leg. "This is the last thing to remind me of him."

Greed dragged his way over. "I got plenty of bruises to remind me of him."

Envy glanced at the leg. _Yep, I did not attach it very well. _"Cool leg. . . . Now let's burn that (bleep)!"

Later, they burned the leg and gleefully stomped on the ashes. "He deserved it for not gimme any cheese!" Pride, who had returned to being a mouse at the stroke of midnight, seethed.

* * *

_Elsewhere, in the hospital..._

"Look! Talking mouse!" Ling, strapped onto a hospital bed, cried.

"You're on crack," Lust, the doctor, concluded.

* * *

**Epilogue**

Ed was crawling his way home when he encountered a person.

"Hi!" the girl greeted warmly.

He averted his gaze despondently. "Don't even bother with me. All I wanted tonight was to search for friends—for true love. Stupid Disney. There's never a happily ever after!"

"Aw, you poor thing!" the girl said sympathetically. "Tell you what, why don't we become friends and talk about it?"

"F-friends? You mean it?" Ed smiled hopefully.

"Yes, of course! My name is Winry." She extended her hand.

"My name is Ederella."

Winry tried to keep smiling. _Ain't that a girl's name?_

Ed clasped his hand around hers, and she attempted to help him up and tugged—

His right arm fell off.

They stared at it.

"Aw, dammit," Ed said. "Do you have super glue or anything?"

Winry did not respond and continued to gape.

"W-Winry—"

"AAAAAHHHHH! YOU FREAK!" She threw the metallic arm down and ran away.

"We're still friends, right? Hello? Hola? Helloooooooooo?"

* * *

**THE END**

**Author: So? What do you guys think?**

**Wrath: ...That was so retarded I feel like crying.**

**Greed: I think I ****_am_**** crying.**

**Pride: Homunculi do not cry! But for this story, I'll make an exception.**

**Lust: WHY DO I ONLY GET ONE LINE IN THE WHOLE FRIGGIN' STORY? AM I NOT BEAUTIFUL?**

**Envy: We hold that truth to be self-evident.**

**Lust: Stop saying that!**

**Envy: Sorry, it was the only line that I liked in this stupid tale.**

**Gluttony: Why am I a princess?**

**Kimblee: Why am I the father of ****_that_****?**

**Ed: WHY AM I A LONER FROM THE BEGINNING TO FINISH?**

**Envy: 'Cuz Filler based it on your actual life.**

**Voldemort: I liked it.**

* * *

**Look forward to the next parody which, based on your opinion, can be Snow White & the 7 Dwarfs, Rapunzel, Beauty and the Beast or whatever else. Please review your thoughts and include what you want to see!**


End file.
